You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
