going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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