he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
