Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
