I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
