she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
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