just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize