this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
