hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i believe in u and ur pee
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
