She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Do vagina's smell?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
