when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
