Someone shit on the floor
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
