I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
