All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
