I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
