Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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