I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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