i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize