Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
