God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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