ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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