I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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