im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I am midnight drunk by noon
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
