he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I need a burrito and a hug.
Boobs speak an international language.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
