God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
