my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He felt like a one man threesome
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
