I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
A+ Viking dick
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
