she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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