She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
