Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
