I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Randomize
