why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
