So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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