Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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