That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
