Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
