I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
