my sisters under your porch take her home
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
