Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
So. Much. Porn.
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