escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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