ugly people sure do ruin things
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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