Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
