Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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