I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
