At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
