i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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