my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
