it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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