Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My cat gives me a boner
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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