the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Terrible idea I love it
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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