What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I cockslap morals
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
