So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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