WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
