I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
