i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
