I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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