well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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