The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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