so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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