i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
