I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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