i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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