Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
