wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
