he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
