i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
