My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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