Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
