the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I think your dad took our porno
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
