I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
