I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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