apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
