She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
