oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He passed out mid-signature
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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