just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
