This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
