i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
